If you catch yourself saying anything even close to Someone Needs to do Something About That...I beg you- immediately sedate yourself, preferably in another room in a different area code. You are very much part of the problem.
I saw a great scene recently from television. On the work floor in a early-Sixties era advertising agency, a horrific and bloody accident befell an unsuspecting employee. Without a word, the office manager IMMEDIATELY comforted the victim. The office manager wasn't a physician or a nurse. She did know, however, the victim was terrified and bloodied so she took action. She comforted the victim, cleaned up copious amounts of blood and even applied direct pressure to the sizable wound.
What did her co-workers do? Either nothing or WORSE than nothing. What could possibly be worse than nothing? Standing there and telling nobody in particular to "Call 911". Hey Hawkeye Pierce...why don't YOU call 911?. Or better yet. Why don't YOU get on the floor with the office manger and help her and the victim in any way possible. IN ANY WAY.
That story is a perfect microcosm of both life AND work.
Let's put a slightly more positive spin on this to settle down Mr. Cranky Pants(me)down. We all know people like the office manager described above. They're not necessarily saintly people. Not all of them are wonderfully likable all the time. But without them, the entire world would fall apart. I couldn't be more serious. In life and in work, it's not hard to find them. Many of them employ others. Many of them are nurses or doctors. Some of them are cops or soldiers. Most of them are none of the above and answer primarily to the name of Mom, Dad or Friend. All of them are in positions of serious responsibility.
Perversely,many of them are under constant criticism and/or scrutiny from the type of people who, upon witnessing a gruesome injury, would blurt out Someone Call 911!
But that doesn't stop them no more than a doorway ablaze would stop them from entering a building or some other much less dramatic situation. If even 10% of the population was more like this, there never would have been The Great Depression or this current economic situation. The next time you see of these people, whether aloud or silently, thank them.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Hit Man
You're not going to find a Chief Operating Officer position advertised on CraigsList, but you will see a virtual eighteen-wheeler full of Sales Rep jobs.
Close to all of them, according to the text descriptions, are "incredible opportunities". Thank goodness exclamation points are a renewable resource because they are consumed and used in these ads in numbers too large to count.
As a borderline Craigslist junkie (no...not THAT section, Uncle Pervy),I look at at the Sales/Biz Dev positions from time-to-time. There's a corporate apparel company on New Hampshire's Seacoast that IS ALWAYS looking for salespeople and not because they are growing. In the ad, they basically say they are looking to hire assassins. They are looking for people to HAMMER prospects into submission. I lost count at infinite but they say the word "aggressive" in this reoccurring Ad to where what they hope to find, I believe, is a headset-fitted wolverine with an understanding of hopefully 200 English words.
Inexplicably, everyone they hire doesn't seem to pan out.
I would get a sizable hoot if I could witness their best customers reading this ad.
Doesn't matter what line of work you're in, we're all consumers also. Raise your paw if you enjoy dealing with/buying from somebody who, flat-out, has been told NOT TO ACCEPT "no" for an answer. This company must make a mightly splendid golf shirt because they want to hire people who would tear it off your back.
Close to all of them, according to the text descriptions, are "incredible opportunities". Thank goodness exclamation points are a renewable resource because they are consumed and used in these ads in numbers too large to count.
As a borderline Craigslist junkie (no...not THAT section, Uncle Pervy),I look at at the Sales/Biz Dev positions from time-to-time. There's a corporate apparel company on New Hampshire's Seacoast that IS ALWAYS looking for salespeople and not because they are growing. In the ad, they basically say they are looking to hire assassins. They are looking for people to HAMMER prospects into submission. I lost count at infinite but they say the word "aggressive" in this reoccurring Ad to where what they hope to find, I believe, is a headset-fitted wolverine with an understanding of hopefully 200 English words.
Inexplicably, everyone they hire doesn't seem to pan out.
I would get a sizable hoot if I could witness their best customers reading this ad.
Doesn't matter what line of work you're in, we're all consumers also. Raise your paw if you enjoy dealing with/buying from somebody who, flat-out, has been told NOT TO ACCEPT "no" for an answer. This company must make a mightly splendid golf shirt because they want to hire people who would tear it off your back.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Prices starting at $595
Two unequivocal certainties in this life: 1.} Your mortality 2.) $595 is NOT what you will pay.
I thought Mark Twain was very clever in his observations about many things including The Eternal Dirt Nap and taxes but he was dead-wrong about the latter. Lots of weasels NEVER pay taxes. And they don't pay $595, either.
Back to the "Prices starting at" practice of marketers. Marketers are fortunate in that your average consumer has the business IQ of laundry lint. The average consumer may very well be physically drawn into that retail location because, after all, they can purchase that exquisite sofa made from mohair and extinct Woolly Mammoth fur for $595 if they hurry, hurry, HURRY! (it is a limited time offer, of course).
Supply and Demand-with a little time and room to breathe- will get you to $595 or less. The consumer still holds the cards in this setting but the dynamics of commerce differs a bit when it's one business selling to another.
For example:
I worked for a gigantic software company that sold its wares only to other business. They are a publicly traded company so there is tremendous financial performance pressure four times a year. Unlike almost all their competitors, they publish the List Price of all their products on their website. That List Price, when printed to paper, made for excellent bird cage lining or for training your new puppy.
Why?
Because the OVERWHELMING majority of their customers and even first-time customers knew that List Price was about as real to them as The Easter Bunny. They knew that when the end of the fiscal quarter came down to the last two days, they could pay pretty much whatever the hell they wanted to pay. (I wanted to add "within reason" but the whole process was so ridiculous- I won't).
The only thing more comical than the validity of that vendor's List Price was management's and even Senior Management's attempts to get customers to pay closer to Full Price earlier in the quarter.
If a dog knows they can get hamburger EVERY TIME by behaving in a certain manner, what is their incentive to eschew eating hamburger when they know it is available?
Step right up, my friends!!Four processors worth of our FINEST software....prices STARTING at $160,000!!! Oh really???. Four "Procs" for 160K, eh?? I'll give ya half that much and I want the Maintenance Agreement extended a year at no charge.
You're too kind...where do I sign?
I thought Mark Twain was very clever in his observations about many things including The Eternal Dirt Nap and taxes but he was dead-wrong about the latter. Lots of weasels NEVER pay taxes. And they don't pay $595, either.
Back to the "Prices starting at" practice of marketers. Marketers are fortunate in that your average consumer has the business IQ of laundry lint. The average consumer may very well be physically drawn into that retail location because, after all, they can purchase that exquisite sofa made from mohair and extinct Woolly Mammoth fur for $595 if they hurry, hurry, HURRY! (it is a limited time offer, of course).
Supply and Demand-with a little time and room to breathe- will get you to $595 or less. The consumer still holds the cards in this setting but the dynamics of commerce differs a bit when it's one business selling to another.
For example:
I worked for a gigantic software company that sold its wares only to other business. They are a publicly traded company so there is tremendous financial performance pressure four times a year. Unlike almost all their competitors, they publish the List Price of all their products on their website. That List Price, when printed to paper, made for excellent bird cage lining or for training your new puppy.
Why?
Because the OVERWHELMING majority of their customers and even first-time customers knew that List Price was about as real to them as The Easter Bunny. They knew that when the end of the fiscal quarter came down to the last two days, they could pay pretty much whatever the hell they wanted to pay. (I wanted to add "within reason" but the whole process was so ridiculous- I won't).
The only thing more comical than the validity of that vendor's List Price was management's and even Senior Management's attempts to get customers to pay closer to Full Price earlier in the quarter.
If a dog knows they can get hamburger EVERY TIME by behaving in a certain manner, what is their incentive to eschew eating hamburger when they know it is available?
Step right up, my friends!!Four processors worth of our FINEST software....prices STARTING at $160,000!!! Oh really???. Four "Procs" for 160K, eh?? I'll give ya half that much and I want the Maintenance Agreement extended a year at no charge.
You're too kind...where do I sign?
Monday, May 24, 2010
Free Set of Steak Knives
I'd footnote who I'm stealing this from but the author's name lives on one of my deceased brain cells.
The author noted- contained in the word "Closer" or "Close"- is the word Lose. If your client- who agonized over a very, VERY important decision- saw you fist-bumping and chest thumping your way through the sales floor, how would that play with them? Feel good about that decision now, Customer X?
Just ritual and harmless celebration for a job well done, you say? Bullcrap. It's a pervading and all-encompassing mindset.
This is one of the many, legit reasons businesspeople don't like salespeople. I exerted my will over you! I win, you lose! CLOSED the SOB!
At least a dozen times in my life a senior manager has brought an important customer or a prospective client through the sales floor as part of a facility tour. Before that guided tour commenced, down came ALL the stuff associated with clients being targeted and tracked. Whiteboards/scoreboards, Sales Bells, Buzzers and Whistles, Contests etc...all down. Why are you hiding what is true? It will make the customer feel a certain way? Yeah...you're right, it will.
And you still run your sales operation that way. I wonder why the turnover in sales is unlike any other line of work?
Competition is healthy, guided ambition is good. Winning business is freakin' great...it feels GREAT. It feels great for your customer, too. That centuries old mindset about how to do business in respect to "closing" customers is greasy and mega unprofessional.
The author noted- contained in the word "Closer" or "Close"- is the word Lose. If your client- who agonized over a very, VERY important decision- saw you fist-bumping and chest thumping your way through the sales floor, how would that play with them? Feel good about that decision now, Customer X?
Just ritual and harmless celebration for a job well done, you say? Bullcrap. It's a pervading and all-encompassing mindset.
This is one of the many, legit reasons businesspeople don't like salespeople. I exerted my will over you! I win, you lose! CLOSED the SOB!
At least a dozen times in my life a senior manager has brought an important customer or a prospective client through the sales floor as part of a facility tour. Before that guided tour commenced, down came ALL the stuff associated with clients being targeted and tracked. Whiteboards/scoreboards, Sales Bells, Buzzers and Whistles, Contests etc...all down. Why are you hiding what is true? It will make the customer feel a certain way? Yeah...you're right, it will.
And you still run your sales operation that way. I wonder why the turnover in sales is unlike any other line of work?
Competition is healthy, guided ambition is good. Winning business is freakin' great...it feels GREAT. It feels great for your customer, too. That centuries old mindset about how to do business in respect to "closing" customers is greasy and mega unprofessional.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Another Inconvenient Truth
Neither Al Gore nor Gore Vidal would recognize the New Green Movement.
The mantra of the New Green Movement is "Uh...how much GREEN is this going to set me back?"
For the vast majority of people, it's only when we feel completely safe and secure that we take action and help others or, in GoreSpeak, save the planet. That's sounds like a slightly dark view of human nature. Unfortunately, it's an inconvenient truth.
The majority of Americans aren't feeling so ducky about tomorrow, educating Junior or Madison/Emma* or the 10 day forecast on what their retirement is looking like. So when the "Green" alternative costs more green, Jane Q. Public tends to stomp her Carbon Footprint.
(* Federal Law requires all female babies born after 1999 to be named Madison or Emma).
Some might think it's different when the buyer is a corporate purchasing agent or a manager considering buying some capital equipment. Hardly. If you need your job and part of your job is to buy stuff, the margin for error for screw-ups of any sort has been reduced exponentially.
You know that old sales maxim you used to hear from mostly senior salesreps...the one that sounded like: "I don't work hard, I work smart". You might want to do both there, Chucky.
The mantra of the New Green Movement is "Uh...how much GREEN is this going to set me back?"
For the vast majority of people, it's only when we feel completely safe and secure that we take action and help others or, in GoreSpeak, save the planet. That's sounds like a slightly dark view of human nature. Unfortunately, it's an inconvenient truth.
The majority of Americans aren't feeling so ducky about tomorrow, educating Junior or Madison/Emma* or the 10 day forecast on what their retirement is looking like. So when the "Green" alternative costs more green, Jane Q. Public tends to stomp her Carbon Footprint.
(* Federal Law requires all female babies born after 1999 to be named Madison or Emma).
Some might think it's different when the buyer is a corporate purchasing agent or a manager considering buying some capital equipment. Hardly. If you need your job and part of your job is to buy stuff, the margin for error for screw-ups of any sort has been reduced exponentially.
You know that old sales maxim you used to hear from mostly senior salesreps...the one that sounded like: "I don't work hard, I work smart". You might want to do both there, Chucky.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Honk Honk
Jerry Seinfeld told the story of a male motorist attempting to obtain the attention and affection of an attractive woman walking in stride with his slow-moving car.
He simply laid on his horn! Beep Beep.
That guy, in Jerry's words, "is out of ideas"
It's 2010, and THE VAST MAJORITY of companies who hire new business development salespeople tell them they MUST make between 50-150 cold call telemarketing calls a day. These companies, like that poor SOB honking on his horn, ARE OUT OF IDEAS.
I got a cold call from the bank I do my business banking with yesterday. I won't reveal the name of the bank though it rhymes with Blitizens Tank. Anyway, the gentleman had a clear speaking voice and enunciated well. In a mere couple of seconds, he came off as pleasant and intelligent. He then began, without stopping to breathe or anything else, reading from a ultra-cheesy, salesy script. I politely tried to stop him...twice...to no avail. I'm a career sales and marketing person but I still had to hang up on the guy. He wouldn't stop reading that damn script.
Blitizens Tank Senior Sales Management....THEY ARE OUT OF IDEAS.
I get on this subject once in a while because I'm utterly astonished that companies still do this. The number of ways to economically reach new potential customers and markets has exponentially increased. Of course, most companies take these NEW remarkable communication vehicles and apply OLD mass media marketing techniques and methodologies. (Look at us!!! Listen to us!!...We're the best!!..We're incredible!!..Buy our stuff NOW!!!)
These companies, via the technological wizardry created by brilliant minds, were handed the coveted "new ideas" in the form of Web 2.0 as well as the many talented people behind its creation and delivery.
It didn't take long- even after being handed the Keys to the Kingdom- to "run out of ideas" on how to reach their desired markets.
He simply laid on his horn! Beep Beep.
That guy, in Jerry's words, "is out of ideas"
It's 2010, and THE VAST MAJORITY of companies who hire new business development salespeople tell them they MUST make between 50-150 cold call telemarketing calls a day. These companies, like that poor SOB honking on his horn, ARE OUT OF IDEAS.
I got a cold call from the bank I do my business banking with yesterday. I won't reveal the name of the bank though it rhymes with Blitizens Tank. Anyway, the gentleman had a clear speaking voice and enunciated well. In a mere couple of seconds, he came off as pleasant and intelligent. He then began, without stopping to breathe or anything else, reading from a ultra-cheesy, salesy script. I politely tried to stop him...twice...to no avail. I'm a career sales and marketing person but I still had to hang up on the guy. He wouldn't stop reading that damn script.
Blitizens Tank Senior Sales Management....THEY ARE OUT OF IDEAS.
I get on this subject once in a while because I'm utterly astonished that companies still do this. The number of ways to economically reach new potential customers and markets has exponentially increased. Of course, most companies take these NEW remarkable communication vehicles and apply OLD mass media marketing techniques and methodologies. (Look at us!!! Listen to us!!...We're the best!!..We're incredible!!..Buy our stuff NOW!!!)
These companies, via the technological wizardry created by brilliant minds, were handed the coveted "new ideas" in the form of Web 2.0 as well as the many talented people behind its creation and delivery.
It didn't take long- even after being handed the Keys to the Kingdom- to "run out of ideas" on how to reach their desired markets.
Friday, March 19, 2010
The Truth...It Hurts
Jack Nicholson's Colonel Jessup, up on the witness stand, uttered one of the most famous lines in cinema history on the subject of Truth in the film A Few Good Men.
(I'll spare ya...you know the line...somebody always feels compelled to bark it out and act as though their delivery and timing was impeccable. Alcohol is often involved)
I'll insert, relatively speaking, how this plays in the world of professional selling.
The Forecast Meeting. Manager and rep, one on one. One by one they go through "The Deals". I don't care who the organization is, "The Truth" is swaddled like a newborn. The truth on most of the deals, including the ones that are "far along" is the rep- and now the manager- have no idea what's going to happen. Oh, sure, the rep certainly acts in a manner consistent with someone who knows what's going to happen (if they want to stay employed, that is). Then there's the Manager-whether their style is more consistent with a Marine Corp Drill Instructor or Oprah after two glasses of Chardonnay...doesn't matter. Remember, that Manager ALSO has a manager and, if "The Truth" is real ugly, it's better to put perfume on that pig...until every last option out of this mess is exhausted.
It's the consummate "CYA" move and it is hardy limited to people who sell for a living. It's everywhere in society. How do you know if something is "the truth"? Here's how: it hurts. Much more often than not, it hurts. And I must admit, somebody once asked me "..what's the alternative?.", and I didn't have a great answer.
-Do I look "frumpy" in this dress?
-Does it look like I'm losing some hair up top?
-Tell me...PLEASE TELL ME that Lehman Brothers is going to be o'kay!?!?
In fairness, the salesrep at times is not to blame. Why? Because buyers tell them what the buyer needs to tell them to serve their agenda...and, believe me, the buyer ALWAYS has agenda. It's funny, for centuries it's been the salespeople who have been tagged as the ones not shooting straight.
So what kind of landscape would we have in professional selling if rank and file and management ALWAYS came clean about forecast, pipeline etc,. Personally, I think it would bring sanity, cleanse unequivocally and possibly turn on its head a system that has been nothing more than educated guesswork for time immemorial.
And up next we could tackle the truth-impaired world of professional politicians!
I'll close with another pop culture reference. Aerosmith released a song in 1973 that was and is still immensely popular...probably their most iconic song. It rhymes with "Cream Dawn"
(I'll spare ya...you know the line...somebody always feels compelled to bark it out and act as though their delivery and timing was impeccable. Alcohol is often involved)
I'll insert, relatively speaking, how this plays in the world of professional selling.
The Forecast Meeting. Manager and rep, one on one. One by one they go through "The Deals". I don't care who the organization is, "The Truth" is swaddled like a newborn. The truth on most of the deals, including the ones that are "far along" is the rep- and now the manager- have no idea what's going to happen. Oh, sure, the rep certainly acts in a manner consistent with someone who knows what's going to happen (if they want to stay employed, that is). Then there's the Manager-whether their style is more consistent with a Marine Corp Drill Instructor or Oprah after two glasses of Chardonnay...doesn't matter. Remember, that Manager ALSO has a manager and, if "The Truth" is real ugly, it's better to put perfume on that pig...until every last option out of this mess is exhausted.
It's the consummate "CYA" move and it is hardy limited to people who sell for a living. It's everywhere in society. How do you know if something is "the truth"? Here's how: it hurts. Much more often than not, it hurts. And I must admit, somebody once asked me "..what's the alternative?.", and I didn't have a great answer.
-Do I look "frumpy" in this dress?
-Does it look like I'm losing some hair up top?
-Tell me...PLEASE TELL ME that Lehman Brothers is going to be o'kay!?!?
In fairness, the salesrep at times is not to blame. Why? Because buyers tell them what the buyer needs to tell them to serve their agenda...and, believe me, the buyer ALWAYS has agenda. It's funny, for centuries it's been the salespeople who have been tagged as the ones not shooting straight.
So what kind of landscape would we have in professional selling if rank and file and management ALWAYS came clean about forecast, pipeline etc,. Personally, I think it would bring sanity, cleanse unequivocally and possibly turn on its head a system that has been nothing more than educated guesswork for time immemorial.
And up next we could tackle the truth-impaired world of professional politicians!
I'll close with another pop culture reference. Aerosmith released a song in 1973 that was and is still immensely popular...probably their most iconic song. It rhymes with "Cream Dawn"
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