Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Lobotomize Me

I see and read an untold number of people in the business world describe themselves as "results-oriented". Or companies seeking such individuals.

Are they typing this with a straight face?

As opposed to what? Let me're "dynamic", too...and a "strategic thinker" Well, I'm sorry, we had more of an utterly random thinking, stagnant person in mind with a propensity to deliver not so much results but substandard and incomplete work.

Unfortunately for me, as I try to market my business and services to managers to corporate America, I read hundreds and hundreds of businessperson bios and business websites. 97% of them say THE EXACT SAME THING. For the record, every software company in America, regardless of their niche, is the "leading" company in their respective markets. It's gotta be true because it is in a recent press release and their validity is right up there with the latest headline from supermarket tabloid, World Weekly News.

(This weeks headline in WWN: Elvis, using Paris Hilton as a shearing device, cut Britney in half and out popped a space alien who looks remarkably similiar to Chelsea Clinton!!)

Is there a conveyer belt in a factory somewhere in the U.S. of A where where these GroupThink automatons are rolling off into boxes and being shipped to Silicon Valley, Rt 128 and Research Triangle Park? For the love of God, does anyone have the courage to be themselves?

If you're a leader/manager at any level in a corporation and can not get through several minutes of conversation without uttering at least five of the following:

critical mass
think out of the box
paradigm shift
strategic fit
strategic partnership (as opposed to?)
client-focused (as opposed to?)
best of breed
circle back

Congratulations! You'll fit right in! There's a comfortable living wage awaiting you. You can sashay from meeting to meeting, bluetooth and blackberry enabled, and insert these and the 100 or so throwaway words I left out, at will. While you're doing that, several million others across the world will be busy either making things that people need or somehow assisting their fellow human beings get through the day.

On a more upbeat note, The Sox won last night.