I'm watching a television show geared towards my six-year old on television. It's a commercial break and a Sinister Stepford Mom is doing the hard sell on me. In the background, her young children are finishing up their learning-tool program while simultaneously accepting their advanced degree diplomas from Harvard.
According to the mother doing the pitch, If I don't buy the product that will help my child learn to read the entire works of Tolstoy by the time he's done eating his bowlful of Sugar Fruit-Simulated SpongeBob High Fructose Corn Syrup Snaps...if I don't buy this freakin' product from this wildly grinning Automaton Soccer Mom, I'm essentially confirming her suspicion that my goal is to destroy the children of the earth.
This technique practiced my marketers is, in my opinion, on an ethical par with randomly attacking the elderly in shopping malls with spiked bats. It's a pre-mediated attempt to make money by attempting to make you, the parent, feel like squirrel manure.
Resist, my fellow parents. Let your children be children. These people are concerned about your kids well being about as much as Charlie Mansion was concerned about grammatical syntax.
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